Domi Bellique

2004-03-04T22:14:00.000-08:00

Jhn 8:32 And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

You could have told me but you didnt. So now I move to where your eyes will seek but they will not fing me.

Should anyone care to see where the journal of mine has gone email me and I shall link send you a link.

.:VENI, Sancte Spiritus, reple tuorum corda fidelium, et tui amoris in eis ignem accende.
In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti:.
-DomiBellique

2004-02-23T14:23:00.000-08:00

*sigh*
I can feel the battle already rageing. I hope all can begin to settle.

2004-02-23T09:08:00.000-08:00

*Note*
Im going to move my poems/songs/personal writtings to a new page called Camena. Im going to leave this blog for regular entires.

2004-02-21T06:19:00.000-08:00

so here Iam after 12hours of sleep. I realize that my last post probably wouldnt have been posted had I not been awake until 1AM THursday night/Friday morning. So now I really know, Im one of those people who for really real needs 7-8hrs of sleep to function right. *sigh* I envy those who only need 4-5 hr of sleep.

2004-02-20T17:56:00.000-08:00

What I thought was real, I found to be fake
What I thought I heard right, I found I only heard myself
When I thought I could be useful, I only found myself useless.

2004-02-20T13:49:00.000-08:00

Im declaring war on the enemy....there will be hell to pay. But if the Lord calls me, then I must go.

2004-02-19T08:23:00.000-08:00

"Only in dreams" resonates though the mind
Of broken hearted soul
Turning pages and musing her history
Hardly anyone can perceive
The shattered trust is what broke this angel?s wings
And she ponders ?is love another fairy tale?"

Tears fall from her Fathers face
He says to her "My love endures all things"
He calls to her, He beckons her
but it barely reaches through the pain

You brought your love and gave it to humanity
Your glory came to dwell among the least
You suffered through hate and disdain
But still you loved and gave us grace
And through Your tears still you whisper
"My love endures all things"

And tears fall from the Fathers face
He calls to you and whispers "My love endures all things"
He desires to see you smile, He wants to hear you laugh
He wont let you go, He yearns to hold all of you

And tears fall from the Fathers eyes
He?s waiting here for you

2004-02-18T20:06:00.000-08:00

just cause, but really if you must know then ask and Ill tell.

2004-02-18T19:24:00.000-08:00

I just finished watching the movie Second Hand Lions and I have to say I recomend it to anyone and everyone but especially any guys/boys/men dont just see it, watch it. Few movies have the effect that this one did on me. No, it really didnt effect me, I take that back, it just reminded me who I am, Charles Edmond DeLorme of the Elm.

2004-02-18T09:20:00.000-08:00

LOL...To believe this would be like believing in a fairy tale. *laughs like an old man* Who am I to go noticed? No really! Im just...a gashed, marred elm tree.

Domi Bellique: I have you an the "someone looking for me" list. who might you be?
::established who we were::

Domi Bellique: so just out of curiosity why would you want to talk to me?
Domi Bellique: what sparks your intrest of me?
Other Person: ...Well, pretty much every mutual friend we have say you're just one of the most awesome people they've ever talked to
Domi Bellique: lol
Other Person: Plus you're What... And the infamous What from the LUForums is someone to search out
Domi Bellique: oh really?
Other Person: Oh really
Other Person: PLUS you're Texas Karma, the awesome troll of CS... Another great reason

2004-02-18T09:08:00.000-08:00

Well I have decided to keep this blog more of my thoughts and to start a new blog for the quizes that dont hold much meaning.

www.pusillus.blogspot.com

2004-02-17T17:46:00.000-08:00

Once again, like a pig
I find myself wallowed in the mud
up to my neck Im drowning in a wake of my own sin
Not over my head cause He said it would never over take me
unless I give in.
Oh God, doing what you want rocks the boat so much
but then again, you know about the waves that come from the actions chosen
You never said you would make me but the effects that come sure do drive me
What is the point? Why do I resist? either the fire is going to burn for you good or its going to burn me alive
sure you said you wanted a living sacrifice, but to set myself aflame is so hard everyday.
The pain starts even before the touch of the torch but in you I must trust
In you I must put my faith, In you I can only live
Without you life is death and how can I live if Im dead? I cant so I must walk in your ways, I must die to live and Ill survive but it wont be easy cause the thorns burn in my heals, but thats why you gave us the gospel of peace. It was for our feet you said, to pad and protect.
So why then dose it hurt? Why do I feel the pain still? Oh well, in you I must trust for what is this life worth if I waist the gift that you have given. So will you take me now? show me the way or do I still have to guess weather or not its you I hear. *sigh* Ill take the step, jump off, pray its you and hope my wings will spread and carry out what you want. Your peace I need, salvation I have, death I fear not but failure is what haunts me. Take me now, hold me in your arms, Im just a love sick child who needs to know you will catch me. *sigh*

2004-02-17T15:51:00.000-08:00

Either Im going to freefall off a cliff or Ill spread wings and fly.

2004-02-15T19:24:00.000-08:00

can I go home yet?

2004-02-14T11:58:00.000-08:00

Guess what? yall get to see the lyrics to the song that I wrote for my parents on Valentines day. I havent put any music to it yet but soon will be working on that. Enjoy.

(no title yet)

Under a star spread sky
I’m lost in memories of love
Of the days when we played together
Of days we sails across the sky

And I can’t ever find
The words to say how much I love you
Even through all the times
When I thought I could live without you

We’ve been through thick and thin
And battles I thought would never end
Even though we may have walked away
Now I see its love that got us through

And I’m lost in memories of love
The words to say how much I love you
Even through all the times
When I thought I could live without you

Now we are getting older
And out wills might grow stronger
I want you to know I love you
Now I’m on my knees and forgiveness I ask of thee
For all the things you had to see

And I’m lost in memories of love
The words to say how much I love you
Even through all the times
When I thought I could live without you

2004-02-12T09:14:00.000-08:00

guess what? enetation is gone now, no more replies getting eaten. yay, ok, that is all.

2004-02-11T08:52:00.000-08:00

I suppose I should update some readers about how Im doing after some past posts. Im doing alright, As I thought about and prayed what was disturbing me I realized what it was (not that Im going to say cause it not that important really). But Im going to be doing better, restructuring life inorder to be more prepaired for what is to come. Im not sure what all that will look like but most likely I well be seen less then I am now just because most of it has to do with finances or something similar to that. I will aslo make note that I will be adding on to my blog another blog for posting things that I study more then likely Biblical thoughts. But for now, that is all....

2004-02-09T10:10:00.000-08:00

Sunday June 27th the sun rose / a new life entered the world
A war that raged for centuries joined a new battle that day.
The battle grounds in two worlds / one seen the other veiled from human minds.
The battle rages on and on for this human soul
A tear filled past and a restless future he only knows.
Upon his cross with chains of fear
The demons of his past whisper words of despair
Fear grips the heart and life drawn from him

Tears of sadness flow from the hearts that care for him

With the little breathe of life thats left and tear filled words he says
"Father, if I do this, You're all Ill have thats left."

On the other side a freedom he can see, but the past draws on him
and the faith once again leaves
Darkness fills his world / choked by his chains
Those he loves he watches weep but the words he cannot say
Pricked with the memories of shame, weakness waxes as the day begins to wane.

With the sun setting the battle rages on and the weak soul knows his part
Through his weakness and tear filled words he cries with all he has
The pain and abandoned wounds love can only heal
Marred is his heart the calluses start to melt, the pain he now feels
tears of want, burn the wounds of pain

Armed only with truth and shield of faith
A solitary journey he has to take
The choice is his....freedom or his chains
Those he loves wont understand
but faith blankets the gifts promised to him

With the little strength left a cry echoes out
Strength fills his veins / his body feels the pain
The veiled world stands still
Through the silents the Father lifts lifts up a prayer

"VENI, Sancte Spiritus, reple tuorum corda fidelium, et tui amoris in eis ignem accende.
In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti."

2004-02-05T09:49:00.000-08:00

Well Im finally coming out of my lack-of-sleep slump if thats what you want to call it. I hate that I need so much sleep especially since most of the world can operate on less sleep then me. The evening time is usually reserved for relaxing for me, however most of my friends relax or take breaks during the night or late night when Im asleep, or should be asleep. Then there is the day time, in my world that is where I do the most interacting with people where I function the most but unfortunately thats when those who I would relax with are in school or busy else where. There are the ups and downs to living in the country. The up side is I get to see the stars at night, I dont have to abide to city limit rules ie. no burning in your yard (my yard is 60 acres), I can go in our back pasture and play with our guns or there is just the relaxing (when I get to) away from city traffic, the country life is nice. But there is a down side, most people dont like to drive out to where you live due to gas and the time needed to get out there, it can be a pain to drive the distance sometimes. But all in all I like it. I think Im about to take up wood carving again (though I never got to far into it the first time), we have a nice barn where I can go and set up lights and work during the evening, its a nice relaxing activity that I enjoy and I dont have to worry about driving home when I get tired (yes, Ive fallen asleep at the wheel more then a few times). There are some other things that I would like to pick up again that I can only do out there, most of them have to do with wood working, metal working and or learning to make tile (the firing and glazing process). This is of course all inbetween school and work which take up alot of time but there are the evening where I can do that instead of watching a movie or something. I use to be a movie-aholic, BlockBuster knew me by name (still do) and I almost knew more about the store then some employees. But what have I gotten out of it? not much except a bunch of movie lines which I cant remember most of the time and a grumble from some people who wont watch a movie with me cause Ive already seen it and they rather watch a movie that I havent seen. All that to say, Im feeling alot better now, thinking more clearly and wanting to start to take on some new skills along with getting more of my life under control. Thanks to anyone who prayed for me, keep praying the stress still hasnt quit (I dont think it ever will), and my apologies to anyone who I ticked off from comments I made to them (I wasnt in my right mind).

My #1 result for the SelectSmart.com selector, What's Your Love Language? , is Words of Affirmation--You need to hear praise to know you are loved and you may also prefer to express your affection verbally. Negative comments cut right to the bone. You want to hear that you're loved and how much and why.

My #2 result for the SelectSmart.com selector, What's Your Love Language? , is Acts of Service--You prefer to show your love through favors and chores and doing things for others. You feel put-upon and unappreciated when your efforts are taken for granted.

2004-02-04T07:24:00.000-08:00

You are one of the few out there whose wings are
truly ANGELIC. Selfless, powerful, and
divine, you are one blessed with a certain
cosmic grace. You are unequalled in
peacefulness, love, and beauty. As a Being of
Light your wings are massive and a soft white
or silver. Countless feathers grace them and
radiate the light within you for all the world
to see. You are a defender, protector, and
caretaker. Comforter of the weak and forgiver
of the wrong, chances are you are taken
advantage of once in awhile, maybe quite often.
But your innocence and wisdom sees the good in
everyone and so this mistreatment does not make
you colder. Merciful to the extreme, you will
try to help misguided souls find themselves and
peace. However not all Angelics allow
themselves to be gotten the better of - the
Seraphim for example will be driven to fighting
for the sake of Justice and protection of those
less powerful. Congratulations - and don't ever
change - the world needs more people like you.

*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-02-03T23:33:00.000-08:00

Tonight I watched Good Will Hunting for the umfteenth time, tis a great movie. The only problem with watching it is during and afterwards it makes me wish that I was good at something like math, or just that I was smart. I wonder when/if Ill find that special gift that few have where I can excelle. I got to thinking and I realized that all through my life I have always managed to find the "smart" crowd so to speak. Not only that but I also realize that to every person I meet, I only stay in touch with them for about 3 years max and then something happens and we fall away. Kinda sucks when you know that sooner or later someone you like to be around will be gone and you will have to start from scratch again. *sigh* This is my thoughts for tonight (those that Im willing to blog) so now Im off to go clean floors some more. hasta

2004-02-02T16:56:00.000-08:00

what is it like to live, to know what/who you are? What is it like to know yourself? For me, I wish I could answer but all that comes to my mind when I think about who I am is a picture of "nothing." Nothing looks like one of those pictures of space, you know, the ones that show nothing but blackness and you look at it and see there is nothing near and there is this feeling of silents. I had a blow come out of no where that either finished me off or woke me up, Im not sure. Who do you trust when thats all you have left? Who do you trust when those who are the closest to you you cant trust? Its not because they have broken your trust, though it has happened, but its because you have seen how they work amongst each other and you realize that you cant trust them because of their own selfish ideas. How do you give someone your trust when they dont really know you? Not at your own fault but they cant know you because you dont know who yourself is, all you know is what you do.............NO MORE PAIN!!! NO MORE FUCKING PAIN! I cant take much more, I really cant. Ive grown weak and frail. Im spent so much, though most people dont realize it, and Ive dont see anything in return. I dont think Im a selfish person but I would just like to see something, doesn't have to be big, just something to see that I havent given in vain. I really dont have much left in me, I need to know who really cares or please someone just take my knife to my throat and end my misery....please.

2004-02-02T14:16:00.000-08:00

What Classic Movie Are You?

2004-01-27T08:41:00.000-08:00

Dear sweet Jesus I find myself again
Fallen at your feet once more
But the journey you ask of me fills me with fear
But the love that I have will give me strength
But sweet Jesus, this child is so....afraid.

But if you call me to go, I will go
I know you will keep me all through the unknown
The end I dont see, but I know it is there
Sweet Jesus, Ill need you more.

Sacrifice, we must make
A journey you call us to take
The end so far, but so close you stay
No matter what You will never leave
You call us to places that we cannot see
But sweet Jesus your promises you will keep.

2004-01-26T20:33:00.000-08:00

*sigh* Alot of things on the mind and none of them I can control. Just gotta give it to Dad and let Him deal with em.

2004-01-26T15:37:00.000-08:00

Why do all the good bands and muscians have to have most of their tours up north? I mean really, is it just because Texas and the South are better and they feel sorry for the Damn Yankees? <-- (That is a title) Oh well, its not like I have any money to spend anyway on concerts but I would like to have a chance at any rate. ok, thats my ranting for the day...er, for the moment.

2004-01-26T09:19:00.000-08:00

You are Artisan

Artisans are the temperament with a natural ability to excel in any of the arts, not only the fine arts such as painting and sculpting, or the performing arts such as music, theater, and dance, but also the athletic, military, political, mechanical, and industrial arts, as well as the "art of the deal" in business.

Artisans are most at home in the real world of solid objects that can be made and manipulated, and of real-life events that can be experienced in the here and now. Artisans have exceptionally keen senses, and love working with their hands. They seem right at home with tools, instruments, and vehicles of all kinds, and their actions are usually aimed at getting them where they want to go, and as quickly as possible. Thus Artisans will strike off boldly down roads that others might consider risky or impossible, doing whatever it takes, rules or no rules, to accomplish their goals. This devil-may-care attitude also gives the Artisans a winning way with people, and they are often irresistibly charming with family, friends, and co-workers.

Artisans want to be where the action is; they seek out adventure and show a constant hunger for pleasure and stimulation. They believe that variety is the spice of life, and that doing things that aren't fun or exciting is a waste of time. Artisans are impulsive, adaptable, competitive, and believe the next throw of the dice will be the lucky one. They can also be generous to a fault, always ready to share with their friends from the bounty of life. Above all, Artisans need to be free to do what they wish, when they wish. They resist being tied or bound or confined or obligated; they would rather not wait, or save, or store, or live for tomorrow. In the Artisan view, today must be enjoyed, for tomorrow never comes.

Atisans make up between 15 to 20 percent of the population, which is good, because they create much of the beauty, grace, fun, and excitement the rest of us enjoy in life.

The Four types of Artisans are:

Promoters (ESTP) | Composers (ISFP) | Crafters (ISTP) | Performers (ESFP)

The Test Thing
gohere for a disciption of the four artisans above.

2004-01-26T08:58:00.000-08:00

Ill update soon, no really, I will....

2004-01-22T10:43:00.000-08:00

One post before I leave until tomorrow night. (Im headed for Austin, yuck)

What is it about the eyes? Why is it that I/someone can look into another persons eyes and "see" who they are? Why does it compel some people to tell me what is weighing on their heart? Does this happen only to me or does everyone else experience this? I dunno...I suppose I should elaborate more when I get back. Anywho hope everyone has a better Friday then I will....I have to go learn and possibly make a stand against something that is unjust, pray for my parents and I. If nothing else pray that I dont lose my mind in this seminar tomorrow.

2004-01-19T22:00:00.000-08:00

I would like to point out two things:
1) my new graphics add in (look at the verse)*after note* I realize its hard to read now, so Ill work on it later this evening, after I go to sleep and wake up again.
2) a new link. (this is my brother-in-law's web site, he makes knives)

bradshaw cutlery

2004-01-19T20:38:00.000-08:00

My dad hugged me this weekend. That has to be the most wonderful feeling that I have felt in a long time. There is nothing better then to have someone look at you and say its all alright, I love you and then hug you. There is just a feeling of protection and trust that can never be matched anywhere else. Its knowing that everything is going to alright and that the wall that was there is gone and even though there will be work in rebuilding an old relationship it will be worth the sweat and tears. I love my dad.

on to other thoughts~~

You know the hardest thing about accepting the fact that you were meant to lead is the burden that you feel. Its the burden of knowing that others will and already do count on you to be there and knowing that when they need help you have to help them despite your own problems. I dunno, that just how I feel. Your out in lead and you wonder who and will there be anyone to help you stand when you need them. I guess that where I have to rely on God. I have to learn to rely on Him to hold me up and give me strength when I need it. I know he will work through others. But when others arent willing to help hold one up or they cant because they are dealing with their own problems thats just when I have to trust God for strength and encouragement and that fatherly hug and warm smile that just lets you know everything will be alright. *sigh* if God has called me to lead then thats what I have to do, I just wish that I could feel like everything will be alright even in those times when I feel alone.

Sometime I feel so alone
and when I look into the sky
I see the beauty that you gave and I feel a peace in side
I know that all in all, you are right there with me
but sometimes I feel so alone, must be that six year old inside me.

So, help me stand Lord Jesus
I need your strength to carry me through
help me stand heavenly Father
I need to feel your comfort
help me stand my Master
give me courage to make it through

comfort and peace
joy and strength
wisdom and righteousness is what I ask of You.

2004-01-15T22:01:00.000-08:00

You know God has a funny way of letting you know that you are doing something right. Its kinda like the game hangman, I might not know if everything Im doing is right but at least now I know taht something (I know what it is,kinda) Im doing is right.

2004-01-15T11:12:00.000-08:00

Do you ever feel that you/ your mind is trapped in a little box and this box has one window on one side and a "peep hole" on the other side. And that you are trapped in this box and you can see people passing by every now and then and you try and see where they are going but the next view of them is through that small hole and you cant tell what is going on but it appears that they are all enjoying life mostly. How about this, do you feel like one of those kids who is trying to accomplish something that he thinks he can do but people keep telling him he cant do it even if everyone else can but he still tries. Then there is the flip side, the kid wont do something because he thinks he cant do it and a few tell him he can if he tries very hard but in the past when a similar event has occurred he failed.

Ive heard some people say that most of society has quit asking "who am I?" and has now turned to asking, "What is my purpose?" Well Im asking both questions. Right now the only thing that Im sure of is that Im a Christian and thats it. There are times that I wish I could start over, you know, just take off somewhere, not tell anyone and just disappear for a while and start over. Aristotle or Plato (I dont remember which one) said that a life un examined is a life not worth living. Well, how do you examine your "self" when you don even trust yourself to tell yourself the truth? Not that you would lie to yourself but that you have been told many different opinions and you dont know which ones are true because you dont trust people enough to open completely up to them so they only see what you want them to see. Its hard to enjoy life and grow in the trials when you dont even know what youre suppose to learn. I dunno.....the stoic part of me is dieing slowly. I do have my small "revival bumps" where I feel like I know what the hell is going on but that last for a little bit and then I feel lost again. I just feel like...a swiss army knife, Im built to last and do many functions but when it come to one particular function I dont have one. I just wish something would happen that would show me Im doing something right, that I do have a part to play in the world, that I have a value. Maybe thats the individualism thought in me, maybe Im just approaching it wrong. Maybe we arent individually valued, I mean apart from how God sees us, maybe we are all the same and thus there is not one single person but we are all actually just pieces of a puzzle, and are meant to feel...flat and in the middle. But then, who are the boarder pieces? are there any? I just want to know, if I was to be a lost piece from the puzzle would it matter? All I know right now is I love God and He loves me, and that He knows everything about me and what my purpose is and...well, He just knows everything about me. I just wish He would let me know some how that Im doing something right.

2004-01-14T15:51:00.000-08:00

::Today In Texas History::

Teacher: Take out a sheet of paper and tell me what word comes to mind when I say another word.
*shuffle of papers*
Teacher: "Texas"
me: *write*
Teacher:"Texas"
me: *write*
Teacher:"Texas"
me: *write*
*teacher looks at me and asked what I wrote*
me:" Heaven, blessed, and Promise Land."
Teacher:*with small smile* "Boy you really are a Texan bleeding red white and blue."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The only reason he said that beside of what I wrote down is because I told him I rather study Texas history then American or Western Civ. history.......*big ass smile*

2004-01-14T09:05:00.000-08:00

no thats not my coat of arms but it will work until I get my others scanned in, if I ever get the time.

2004-01-13T19:53:00.000-08:00

ok, so I lied, I didnt watch Jason vs. Freddy not yet anyway. I watched some othere movie with my mom that I wont say the title sinse I wouldnt recommend it in a public area like this. Its not that the movie was "bad" but it deffinitly had some messed up theology in it, but I liked it because it caused me to think a little more about religous philosophy. The movie had alot of cathlic stuff in it which I like sinse Im big on traditionial stuff and symbolic stuff. I think Ill study some stuff but yeah Im kind of tired so I might go to bed in a bit.

2004-01-13T15:41:00.000-08:00

hey yall love ones, tonight I watch Freddy vs. jason. I shall tell yall a bit about it later....

2004-01-12T20:46:00.000-08:00

I hate how the school takes her (My Lily) away. *sigh* I know Ill see her Thursday but after spending Christmas break with her and seeing her everyday when I get home from work and when I wake up it just sucks to wake up and come home to....well, to nothing. I figure that some people dont understand when I say we cant be married until I here the time is right (from God). I have heard that she is the one but not that the time is right to do it yet. I just wonder how long I will have to wait. I pray that I wont be a "modern day Jacob" and have to wait for 7 years, that would suck to no end. And even now my stoic personality kicks the 6 year old child inside of me and says stop complaining.

2004-01-11T19:58:00.000-08:00

I was going to blog something really long but now I just dont feel like it. I know that I owe my readers something worth while at this point but really, this is my blog and I know that something will come out soon worth reading but for now all I have to say is, "moo" (there is one person that will understand that).

2004-01-07T12:58:00.000-08:00

So I have been working on out college and carrier (C^2) blog lately. That is all for now.

2004-01-07T10:38:00.000-08:00

Im thinking that I might start writting a story and post bits of it here. I dunno we will see. I just registered for classes this spring. I cant wait until Im outa college, it sucks to go to school and work at the same time.

2004-01-07T10:00:00.000-08:00

*sigh*

2004-01-05T10:40:00.000-08:00

well my posting had been slow and "empty" but I will post something more interesting some time soon. Yeah, I know, youre probably doubting me but just you watch....The End

2004-01-03T15:55:00.000-08:00

oops...I just realized I forgot to make new years resolutions so I can go and brake them. Is it to late? If not then I say Ill never cuss again damnit!!!

2003-12-30T14:04:00.000-08:00

Im debating wheather or not to take my blog tree down now....actully Im just bored and want to go home now. hmmmm....*opens mouth* AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH.......hmmmmm quack quack quack

2003-12-25T08:19:00.000-08:00

hey yall, just got back from goose/duck hunting (tuesday night). Twas much fu, I got at least 5 or 6 ducks and geese. Anyway, Merry Christmas to all and pictures to come soon sometime....hopefully.

2003-12-18T11:56:00.000-08:00

oh, and I got most of my Christmas shopping done yesterday with much help from Lily. Im happy about that, now I basically just have to get her something. What will I get her? hmmmm

2003-12-18T11:54:00.000-08:00

I saw Lord of the Rings lastnight, my hand hurts and so dose me knee and feet. That is all.....good day

2003-12-15T23:02:00.000-08:00

You are Fresh Mint.
You are caring and friendly. You have a nurturing
personality and always help out a friend in
need. You are fairly outgoing, and always show
a friendly face. You truly care for other
people, and you show it. However, you may
neglect your own responsibilites or become over
involved in your friends' personal affairs.
Most Compatible With: Orange

Which Tic-Tac Flavor Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-12-14T07:57:00.000-08:00

YEEEHAAAAWWWW!!!! We gotem.

COWBOYS UP!!!!!

2003-12-12T11:08:00.000-08:00

yeah, so here are my results to the latest blog tests. I didnt read the crap before hand so I dont know what they are saying exactly, but I figure they are saying what I already know.....I will own you one day. Read on -

Your Brain Usage Profile

Auditory : 41%
Visual : 58%
Left : 55%
Right : 45%

you are somewhat left-hemisphere dominant and show a preference for visual learning, although not extreme in either characteristic. You probably tend to do most things in moderation, but not always.

Your left-hemisphere dominance implies that your learning style is organized and structured, detail oriented and logical. Your visual preference, though, has you seeking stimulation and multiple data. Such an outlook can overwhelm structure and logic and create an almost continuous state of uncertainty and agitation. You may well suffer a feeling of continually trying to "catch up" with yourself.

Your tendency to be organized and logical and attend to details is reasonably well-established which should afford you success regardless of your chosen field of endeavor. You can "size up" situations and take in information rapidly. However, you must then subject that data to being classified and organized which causes you to "lose touch" with the immediacy of the problem.

Your logical and methodical nature hamper you in this regard though in the long run it may work to your advantage since you "learn from experience" and can go through the process more rapidly on subsequent occasions.

You remain predominantly functional in your orientation and practical. Abstraction and theory are secondary to application. In keeping with this, you focus on details until they manifest themselves in a unique pattern and only then work with the "larger whole."

With regards to your career choices, you have a mentality that would be good as a scientist, coach, athlete, design consultant, or an engineering technician. You can "see where you want to go" and even be able to "tell yourself," but find that you are "fighting yourself" at the darndest times

2003-12-12T08:56:00.000-08:00

Congratulations! You're Merry!

Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-12-09T08:18:00.000-08:00

"Cowboys like us sure do have fun
Racin’ the wind, chasin’ the sun
Take the long way around back to square one
Today we’re just outlaws out on the run
There’ll be no regrets, no worries and such
For cowboys like us"

YIPPA COWBOY UP!!

2003-12-05T07:08:00.000-08:00

"All is fair in love and war."

I say it is, unless the individual is married as far as the "love" part goes.

What do you think?

2003-12-04T08:32:00.000-08:00

I tend to agree with that just because I know how I am when Im in the company of friends who dont get affended and know me to the bone

My life is rated R.
What is your life rated?

2003-12-03T20:03:00.000-08:00

So Im sitting here listening to "silent night" and its that time of year again. While this will be a first time that Im not single on this great season I still feel...bleh tonight. I hate working nights now but its the only time that I can do the floors without people getting in the way to much. Its moments like this that I miss that care free feeling of an 8 year old. The excitment of Christmas, no cares, no one upset with you (though its not voiced I can still feel it) its just Christmas and hot chocolate.

2003-12-03T16:09:00.000-08:00

Here is an answer to a question that I was asked today, I just wonder how many others dont know this. What does cowboy up mean? Cowboy Up is a cowboy/rodeo say that means any of the following things:

Suck it up
Get back on yer Horse
Take it like man (or a woman!)
Don't back down
Don't Give up

2003-12-03T12:51:00.000-08:00

Here cow, cow, cow...come here.....

DDDDDIIIIIIEEEEEEEE

2003-12-02T17:07:00.000-08:00

Im sitting here tonight about to go back to work but before I do I wanted to get this out.

I dont know how or where to start but the subject of the church and methods of the church have been on my mind and heart for awhile its become my passion/has been my passion for a long time now. Its like a beating drum, its been pounding for as long as I can remember but lately its become louder and louder. I go to church Sunday mornings and sit on the stage and look out at the dwindling numbers of people. I know its not about numbers but I know that really the people are just circling from church to church, I know that inside most of the people are dead or dying. Im left wondering how, when and who will help me cause I have to do something or Im going to die from a broken heart. Its hard having grown up now and remembering what going to church use to be like. I wonder if this is how the story Israel was like. I see the decay every Sunday and I see it through out the week. Dont hear me saying that I have all the answers, dont hear me saying Im perfect cause I know that Im part of the problem but I want to pull us, the church, out of what we have become. I hear so many ideas how the church should act or how they should reach out. All the ideas seem new but really its just a different approach to what had been going on all long, its just more sneaky kind of. My heart yearns for something of the past, my heart yearns to experience God like before.

I sit and listen to peoples ideas on how to reach other people that dont know Christ.These ideas are all the same ideas and while they are good ideas Im reminded how individualism rules the minds or the people. Every one wants to start a coffee shop or something of that nature, its kind of like everyone wants to be the arm, or the hand, or the ___ (fill in the blank). Im reminded how in the scripture we, the church, are called The Body, that means that some of us churches should be the leg while others should be the arm and etc. Sure its a good idea to start a "Christian" coffee bar but not every church needs to start one. Its like church A needs everything that church B has so they can prove that they are producing. I dunno maybe Im strange, maybe Im sick and not thinking straight but I just want to show the world the love of my God, Jesus Christ , and let God do the rest. (guess Im just lazy) but Im willing to do what I have to do to accomplish this. I yearn for the day that a new sound comes forth and the world hears and sees the love of God.

2003-12-01T08:50:00.000-08:00

well Ill add it later

2003-12-01T08:16:00.000-08:00

For the Christmas spirit I add the Christmas tree for kicks....

2003-11-25T10:12:00.000-08:00

sometimes I wonder if my birthmother smoked something before I was born. Then other times I dont care, I just wish I could function like most people.....

2003-11-24T20:14:00.000-08:00

here is my thoughts for the night, I only cut and paste this because I cant really express my thoughts tonight and these lyrics best say how I feel and been feeling. I might elaberate more later this week I dunno.

"The Sovereign Lord is my strength
He enables me to go on the heights
And I am not afraid
The Sovereign Lord is my strength
Where are the greener pastures
Where are the quiet waters
The Sovereign Lord is my strength

You are my green pastures
You are my quiet waters
The Sovereign Lord is my strength

I will wait
I will wait for Your peace
I will wait
I will wait and You comfort me

I lift my head
I lift my heart, my soul
I lift my hands
I give myself, my life my all

And I cry mercy
A cry of freedom to be heard
And I cry mercy
A cry of freedom from this world" - David Crowder

2003-11-23T20:25:00.000-08:00

Imaginary Online GIRLFRIEND ~ The ORIGINAL!!! io vey .....the sad part is there is/were 17 bids....what is the world comming to?

2003-11-20T08:22:00.000-08:00

Here is something interesting First synthetic virus created. We had a discussion whether or not this was moral or immoral in my philosophy class yesterday. A lot of the students decided it was immoral because they said the scientist were playing God. This argument is usually the default answer to anything that has to do with scientist creating something but as I sat there and reasoned it out I decided it was moral or to put it simply, it was ok. I had some strange looks from other students when I said that it was moral. The teacher asked me why I thought it was ok that this could be done. I simply stated that we were commanded to do things such as this in the Bible. Since this is a "back woods" college quoting the Bible usually can end an argument though I don't always take the easy way out. I stated that God commanded us as humans to rule over the earth, He gave us rule over our dominion. This means that we are to learn more about the creation around us. Now the way this new tool may become immoral, I explained, was if we use it for evil. To explain this as simple as possible Kant would have said that to use the newly acquired knowledge for our own good and if our intent was to harm people with the new knowledge then it would be evil. I tend to agree with Kant on this one.

2003-11-19T22:23:00.000-08:00

I know my archives are all outa wack, but give me some time Ill have it fixed at some point. If you have any suggestions throw em this way please.

2003-11-19T20:32:00.000-08:00

so I went and did what dear ol Shemdid, went and got another comment box. That is all now, continue on

2003-11-18T18:12:00.000-08:00

how you can put so much time in someone and then they turn around and forget what you did.....I almost feel as though I tossed pearls to the swine. It really dosent bother me that they forgot me so to speak, but it is kind of painful (at least to me) to watch them make the same mistake over and over again even after you show them something just wont work until they change.

2003-11-18T11:02:00.000-08:00

So I messed up my archive code....crap. I hope today gets better

2003-11-18T09:29:00.000-08:00

I noticed today that my employers look just like my parents. I dont remeber how long ago it was that I lost my parents but I know they no longer are with me. All the memories that I left of them are in the pictures that I have. I wish I could feel the embrace of my father or mother again. I wish I could wake up in the mornings and hear something encourageing from their lips. I wish the feelings that I imagine when I look at the old pictures I wish I could feel safe again. I dont remeber when I lost my parents I just know they arent here now.

2003-11-17T22:00:00.000-08:00

D

Find out what anime bad boy you are.

2003-11-16T22:31:00.000-08:00

strange thigns a afoot at the circle K

2003-11-12T18:04:00.000-08:00

I could go for some good coffee right about now or a lap to lay my head on....*sigh* I hate working at night

2003-11-12T15:53:00.000-08:00

Did you know that today is "Happy Hour Day?" Thats right folks today X number of years ago the first happy hour occured in Scotland. So go out and have fun celebrating Happy Hour Day.

2003-11-12T15:42:00.000-08:00

here is something yall should find funny

2003-11-12T10:36:00.000-08:00

Iam feeling much better today and I havnt taken that many drugs either. Im hopeing with the right amount of sleep Ill be back to my abnormal healthly self again by this weekend, though I cant promise anything.

Discuss this phrase
"esse est percipi" - To be is to be perceived
- George Berkeley (pronounced Barkeley)

2003-11-12T10:33:00.000-08:00

2003-11-11T14:11:00.000-08:00

You know what one of the scariest realizations you can come to? ITs when your standing in front of the toilet peeing and you relize how a mess your life really is. WHen you realize that you avoid your parents because you know that the longest you can be around them without getting into a fight is about 5min. that is unless there is someone else in the room but even that rarely stops a fight. When you realize that you never wanted to hurt your parents as bad as your siblings have and then you look in the miorr and realize you have...or when you realize that most of your life you have wasted and then you realize that you are so deeply in love and that one day you can only hope to be a father and you pray to God for forgiveness in the way you have wasted time and pray that you can pull out before its to late.......when your standing there in front of the toilet peeing and you realize........

(this is what happens when I get sick....yup its for sure,Im sick)

When you realize that you arnet really that good a leader as most poeple think you would be....when you realize

that you really cant make it on your own and your so afraid of screwing someones else life up....when you realize

2003-11-11T13:57:00.000-08:00

ok, I give, UNCLE! UNCLE! Im sick....oi, all I want to do now is get in bed a curl up and go to sleep. I feel like Im hacking my lungs up peice by [eice nad mu throat is hurts.....But I gotta fake it till Im better cause I wont let them have another shot at me...oh no, not me....Im not giving in to them yet.....oi 30min. before I have to go to work.....I hope the weekend is better.........

2003-11-11T05:48:00.000-08:00

Its Veterans day

and I also feel sick

that is all, thank you

2003-10-30T15:36:00.000-08:00

And as I lay thee down to sleep
I prayed to God for a little relief
I found myself dreaming of angels so far
One took my hand and led me to a place I never been

we flew to the tops of heaven
she took me to the sea
I never saw such beauty
In any thing Ive seen

I felt the love of heaven
Cover me like a blanket of the suns rays
Ive never knew anything like it until today….

I saw you – in all your beauty
I heard you – your voice like a melody
Sung by many angels
I touched you – touch to soft, I thought you might break

You stole my heart right from me
You leave me with nothing to say
I cant begin to tell you how blessed I am to say ….
that I love you
for now and always….

Now I really wonder was the angel really you…..

2003-10-29T10:36:00.000-08:00

Dont live your life judgeing yourself by the opinions of others. Until you accept the truth of God about you will never be at peace with yourself.

2003-10-29T10:32:00.000-08:00

Hey little sister I see you there
Trying to grow up in this big big world
I know I dont have all the answers but hear what I say

Your a child of God, dont let the others pull you down
Quit listening to others that cast you down
Dont rush your time, He knows whats best for you
Find your strength in God
He will carry you through

In the mirror you look
and all you see is scars
Worthless you whisper
and pain you feel
But God is right there with you
give it all to Him
Find your rest and strength in Him
He will never leave your side

Your a child of God, dont let the others pull you down
Quit listening to others that cast you down
Dont rush your time, He knows whats best for you
Find your strength in God
He will carry you through

2003-10-28T08:44:00.000-08:00

Tonight I closed my eyes and reflect a prayer of praise, to the Father up above for the gifts He gives to me)
Ill never understand why He blessed me the way Iam, with the gift of you to me and all the love He shows me
With the grace set before us I stand in awe again....

So Im on my knees tonight
In awe of His grace and mercy
And I Lift a praise of worship
To One who has shown much love.

2003-10-22T10:51:00.000-07:00

So the other day I went to this Bible study at my school and we were looking through one of the passages of the Bible when all of a sudden my ears were perked. The paster leading the study said that we humans were actully less then humans. My first thought was "what is he smokeing?" Then I listened to his explanation. He said that Adam and Eve were the original human beings but when they took and ate the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil they became less then human because they braught sin into the world. He cont. on by saying that this was true because when Jesus entered into the world if he had come as we were then he would have been a sinner. So here is the equation that he put up the board to repersent what he was talking about, human beings + sin = less-then-humans (us).

I just hope it was of good quality whatever it was he was smokeing.

2003-10-22T08:11:00.000-07:00

woot! first class of the day canceled...no class until 100....I should do some catchup work.

2003-10-20T08:38:00.000-07:00

futile care, how much do you know about this?

2003-10-16T22:27:00.000-07:00

Are you damned?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

Though you are leaving this life in God's grace, you haven't quite been able to stop youself from sinning. Our God is an angry God, and requires that you serve your time in limbo before you pass through the pearly gates. Some theologians believe that while you are resting here you won't know that eventually you will reach heaven, causing terrible doubts and hopeless speculation. Good luck.

2003-10-09T21:36:00.000-07:00

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies.

They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced, he decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.

They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is.

"I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.

The second one in line hears this and says, "I want to be gorgeous too."

Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.

This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing.

When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his a rear off.

Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be.

The guy calms down and says: "Make'em all ugly again"

2003-10-08T15:21:00.000-07:00

I need a shirt that says:

I didnt get enought sleep lastnight
was rudely awoken this morning
am in a pissed to shit mood
if you ask any stupid questions Im going to beat your ass down.

2003-10-08T06:44:00.000-07:00

If/when it all comes crashing down I wonder, who will be left with me....

2003-10-06T21:34:00.000-07:00

Tonight I found out that one of my old classmates, Byron Ben Beethe, died Saturday (10-4-03). I went to school with him in the 6th-7th grade, I never really knew Byron, though at that age I picked on him alot, anf for that I am truely sorry. Im even more sorry that as times progressed and I saw him every now and then around town I never stoped to say hi or even to apoligize for the way I treated him back when we went to school together. Byron was someone who I wish I could be more like, people looked at him and knew that he would stand firm no matter what, I knew that because even though I treated him badly when we were younger he never lift a hand against me and never said anything bad to me. I remeber now how I could see the pain in his eyes when I taunted him and now it stings deep in my heart. I wish now that I could turn back time just for a second and change the way I acted towards Byron and gotten to know him better as a friend. I cant turn back the time now, and I cant take back what has alreday been done so instead Ill just whisper a prayer towards heaven and hope he can hear it and pray that he forgives me. Byron Ben Beethe will always have a special place in my heart, may he rest in peace.
Byron Ben Beethe (2-28-83 - 10-4-03)

2003-10-05T20:06:00.000-07:00

Today Life Chain happened, and as usual I took part in standing on the sidewalk with a bunch of other people holding signs that sayed abortion kills childen, Jesus forgives, and Adoption the loveing option. I took to my traditional sign, the adoption one. This year the life chain took on a whole new meaning for me then in the past years. This year it hit me, out of all the aborted children all over the world I wasnt one of them (yes, I was adopted). Then I started to think about how many times I came close to being ended. I cant help but to wonder why me? why did God alow me to be saved? why am I here now? I dont know why, but it there must be a reason. With questions like that I cant help but to look at life in a whole new light.

2003-09-30T08:43:00.000-07:00

"Well, sometimes my life just don't make sense at all
When the mountains look so big
And my faith just seems so small

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace" - Rich Mullins

*points up* thats about how I feel about now. Ive been thinking and trying to sort things out in my head all morning concerning things I need to do and things that I *need* to do. In a perfect word it all would work out perfect but in my history I know nothing works out as planned and thats what usually causes me to "shake." I know that God is in control if I let Him, but thats the hard part, even for me. To let go and know that He will take care of things and that I do what needs to be done without worrying about what will come next. Im reminded of a couple of my dreams that I had a while back. I remeber in the first dream there was a huge crowd of people and around me were a group of friends, some from as far back as 1st grade and some people I knew were friends but I couldnt see their faces clearly. Anyway, we were all worshiping God and all of a sudden a few of us, including me, started to float towards the front almost as if we were chosen out of the whole crowd for something. I remeber thought, as I was floating foward I saw some cds, and as most people who know me I love music, so I started to grab the ones that I really liked and as soon as I did I stoped moveing forward and then a second later there was a pull, a hard pull, and I knew I had to let go or I couldnt go on to what I was being called to do.
The second dream I remeber is shorter. Actully all I remeber is that there was this huge army, like the one that would be back in the times of knights and whatnot, and in front leading them were three people, me and two others whos names I wont give because they are people who some people know and I dont feel Im at liberty to say who (at least not here).
I guess these dreams mean more to me then most will understand, but I know that I know that I have been called to do something, I just wish I knew what. And though I hate going through the storms I know that I have to go through them so that I can become what it is that I have to be in order to do what I have to do. Im just thankful for those people that God has placed in my life ie my friends and of course Lily and God. In a world that seems to never stop moveing and after a while you start to feel weak and you feel like your going to fall on your back, God comes along and through someone, in my case Lily, they are there to support you. They dont have to say a word or do anything, its just knowing that they are there and you can put your trust in them. There are few I trust like that, very few.
At this point I dont remeber what I was talking about in the beginning Im just typeing what is in my head right now, but these are my thoughts and they dont have to make sense for anyone....anyway, Im off to class now...

2003-09-25T20:42:00.000-07:00

*sigh* sitting at a desk all day can really bring back old feelings of depression...that or it just sucks energy from me.....Im about to go to bed in hopes that I can make the best of tomorrow

2003-09-24T13:22:00.000-07:00

when it rains it pours.....*sigh* sometimes I wonder if my work schedule is arranged with an agenda in mind or if its our of complete ignorance.......(I work for my parents)

2003-09-23T18:43:00.000-07:00

I cant win.....

2003-09-23T14:47:00.000-07:00

Fight Club!

What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-09-19T00:00:00.000-07:00

So we went to see Once Upon a Time in Mexico tonight. We being Scholl, Anna, Lily and me. I thought it was good....it had a decent plot and lots of guns and things blowing up. I saw alot of things that I wanted...mmmmmm. Anyway, the main theme was about revenge. The main character getting revenge on the guy that killed his wife and little girl. I will admit that while I believe it is wrong to kill someone if anyone where to hurt/kill someone that I loved I would have no problem with killing them, point blank between the eyes...even exicution style, but thats just me. Yeah, but it was a good movie, I recommend it. Now go see it.....

2003-09-18T07:31:00.000-07:00

so its been a long time sinse I blogged, so I have a life and dont have a lot of time to be on a computer, am I sorry? Hell no!!

Ok, so now that we have that out of the way I shall blog some...

Currently Im taking a few classes at NTCCbut thats just for a a couple of semesters then I shall return to LU more then likely as a Psyc. major rather then stay with the Biblical studies. May the truth be known, I only changed to a bible major to escape the accounting studies and the reason for doing that was two fold. 1) I was running from Gods plan in self deceit and 2) cause accounting was not my forte. As far as relationships go, I have my constant (Lily). She is deffintly Gods gift to me. In the past there were days where I thought I was going to quit everything cause the load I was carrying was heavy and I didnt want to cont. but now on days like that at the end when I get to talk to Lily or better yet see her, its...I dont know its hard to explain I suppose you could say its like a warm blanket wrapped around you or something...I dunno but its a good thing.

In what might be more intresting news to most. Right now my Philosophy class is getting interesting. I say that cause I like to debate and discuss the human nature and such things that have to do with philosophy. The difference between doing it at LU and at NTCC is that Im argueing from a biblical view while others are not, it just makes for an interesting class time.

I wish I could record the discussions and blog them here because I cant really repoduce them with accuracy.
Something we were discussing in class was Pragmatism. Basically prag. can be summed up as saying, "The ends justifies the mean." As we were discussing it I realized that prag. is just another thread in the tapestry we call life. You cant go through life with out being prag. By instinct humans are pragmatic. There are other things that I could disscuss with the teacher all day for kicks but unfortently I cant. Im kind of amazed that I havnt been dragged through the streets yet, though I must confess I havnt braught up alot of opinions yet but the semester isnt over yet. *note to self* dont forget knives*
Yesterday we were discussing egoism, not to be confused with egotistic. Egoism is the belief that humans or a human does everything because they will benefit from thier action(s). I believe this is true. Humans are self preserving by nature, we only do that which is good for us. People would argue that giving to the needy or whatnot proved that egoism isnt real. My arguemnt against that is that we do that so others will be happy and in knowing that they have been helped we get a sense of happiness or whatever you want to call it. We might not recognize it as our primary motive nor may it even enter our minds as a motive. The question that should be asked is what benifits am I getting because Im doing "x"?

Im off to class now, maybe Ill blog more later...we shall see